What to Do if Someone Is Suicidal But Won’t Get Help

If someone you care about is feeling suicidal, it can feel overwhelming and scary. Knowing what to do in the case that they won’t get help for suicide can help you navigate this difficult situation.

In this article, we’ll go over how to recognize the signs that someone is suicidal and how to approach someone who is struggling. We’ll also discuss how to balance supporting this person long-term while also caring for yourself. 

Recognizing the Signs If Someone Is Suicidal

It can sometimes be difficult to recognize the signs that someone is feeling suicidal. You might worry about misinterpreting what they said or have a gut feeling that something might be going on. Even mental health professionals can sometimes have trouble assessing who is at high risk for suicide. But it’s always best to err on the side of caution. Asking questions when you notice warning signs may be the opportunity your loved one needs to share how they’re feeling.

Verbal Warning Signs

If someone is feeling suicidal, then you might notice that they change the way that they talk. They might make indirect or direct comments about suicide, such as “I want to die” or “I wish I were never born.” You might also notice that they talk more about death or violence. Another way that verbal warning signs can show up is in the way that they talk about the future. You might notice them commenting about how they feel hopeless about the future or start saying goodbye to their loved ones.

Behavioral Changes

Depression can cause changes in behavior, including changes in eating habits, difficulties with sleep, or social withdrawal. But if someone is thinking about suicide, then they might participate in behaviors like making a will or giving away possessions. They might engage in more risk-taking behavior, such as driving too fast. You may also notice changes in their mood. They might be more anxious or agitated than before. Or, they might seem excessively happy. Mood swings can also be common. 

To help with suicide prevention, the American Academy of Suicidology has created a mnemonic: IS PATH WARM. This stands for:

‍

I-Ideation (Thoughts of suicide)

S- Substance Abuse (Problems with drugs or alcohol)

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P- Purposelessness (Feeling like there is a lack of reason for living)

A- Anxiety (Extreme nervousness and inability to cope)

T-Trapped (Feeling like there is no way to solve problems)

H- Hopelessness (Feeling like things won’t get better)

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W- Withdrawal (Avoiding friends, family members, and activities)

A-Anger (Unprovoked or unreasonable anger)

R-Recklessness (Engaging in risk-taking behavior)

M- Mood changes (Noticeable changes in mood)

How to Approach Someone Who Is Struggling

It can be difficult to approach someone you think may be struggling. You might worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. But your care and concern can help them feel seen and supported.

Having the Conversation

Many people worry about bringing up the topic of suicide. But talking about suicide doesn’t make people more likely to engage in the behavior. In fact, many people who are feeling suicidal say that it feels like a relief to be able to share how they are feeling with someone. Some questions to ask to learn more about how your loved one is feeling include:

• How have you been feeling?
• Have you been thinking about dying?
• Have you hurt yourself, or thought about hurting yourself?
• Have you been thinking about suicide?
• Do you feel as though you are a burden?
• How have you been sleeping?
• Have you thought about when or how you would do it?
• Do you have access to weapons?

When the person you care about answers these questions, you’ll want to listen actively. This helps your loved one feel heard and ensures that you understand. One way to do this is to repeat what the person says back to them in your own words. When your loved one is telling you how they’re feeling, this is also a time when you can validate their feelings. Remind them that they’re not a burden, that depression isn’t something that people can control, and that these feelings are temporary.

• Don’t say: Things could be worse. Instead, say: What is making you feel this way?
• Don’t say: You have so much to live for. Instead, say: What do you think would make you feel better
• Don’t say: Cheer up. Instead, say: It’s okay to feel sad.
• Don’t say: You’ll hurt your family if you do this. Instead, say: I care about you, and I don’t want you to go through this alone.
• Don’t say: I know how you feel. Instead, say: It means a lot that you’re sharing this with me.

Reducing Barriers to Getting Help

It can be difficult for someone who is feeling suicidal to get help. They might have internalized stigma and feel that it’s weak to ask for help or worry that the way they’re feeling is their fault. You can remind them of the facts about suicide.

You can let them know that thinking about suicide isn’t a character flaw. It’s not attention-seeking and isn’t something they can control. 

Rather, suicidal thoughts are a symptom of a mental health issue. 

Some people are also worried about their privacy. You can remind them that what they share with their doctor or therapist is private and confidential. The only time someone would break this is if there is an immediate risk to their own or another person’s safety. With regard to friends and family, they only need to disclose how they are feeling to people that they are comfortable with.

There is also no need to inform their employer of the details of what is going on, even if they need to take time off work. 

Cost can also be a concern for some people. There are many free resources available, and some therapists offer services on a sliding scale. If your loved one has insurance, you can help them find care that their insurance covers.

Immediate Safety Planning

If someone needs immediate help, mental health crisis resources are available.

Their mental health care team may also suggest that they have a safety plan in place to help cope with future crises.

Crisis Resources and When to Use Them

There are several crisis resources, each better suited to different situations.

Crisis Hotlines: Crisis hotlines, such as the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, work best when someone isn't in immediate danger. They help those having troubling thoughts or who are  feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. A trained crisis counselor can help with de-escalation. You can also call a crisis hotline if you are worried about someone else and need advice on how to best support them.

Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat on their website to connect with trained crisis counselors 24/7.

Emergency Services: 911 (or your local emergency number) is best when the person is in immediate danger. They might be actively harming themselves or have a plan for how to harm themselves with immediate access to the means to do so. For example, access to weapons. If the person is injured, loses consciousness, or has already attempted suicide, you should also call 911.

Mobile Crisis Teams: Mobile crisis teams provide immediate, in-person support to people facing a mental health crisis or substance abuse crisis. The teams include behavioral health experts. They assess situations, de-escalate conflicts, and connect people to resources. This is best when the person needs in-person support but isn’t in immediate danger. You can request a mobile crisis team by calling 988.

Supporting Someone Long-Term

Supporting a suicidal friend or family member long-term involves a balance between being there for the person you care about and ensuring that your needs are fulfilled.

Being a Consistent Support

It can be difficult to support someone that you care about long-term. You want to be there for them, but you also have your own responsibilities and relationships to keep up with.

One way to do this is to let them know that you can’t fix their problems for them, but you will be there to support them through the process. If they haven’t sought professional help yet, this can be a good time to encourage them to do so. The best way to do this is to use “I…” statements, because this can make people feel less defensive.

For example, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been struggling lately, and I want to support you in finding ways that might help.”

Connecting with Professional Resources

When someone is feeling depressed or overwhelmed, seeking professional help isn’t easy.

They might not have the motivation or energy to research options. But one way to show your support is to offer to do this research for them. Here are some key types of mental health professionals you may consider:

• Psychiatrists
• Psychologists
• Therapists

Psychiatrists can prescribe medication and provide psychotherapy. Psychologists and therapists can both provide therapy, but psychologists have more extensive training.

When helping someone find a mental health professional to work with, you’ll want to consider their needs and budget. Ask them about their goals. For example, if they want help managing the underlying symptoms of depression, then it is best to look for a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Some people may have specific needs.

For instance, they might want to work with a mental health professional who understands LGBTQ+ issues or is familiar with their culture. Budget and insurance can also play a role. You may wish to look for a mental health professional who accepts your loved one’s plan or who offers services on a sliding scale to make things more accessible.

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting a suicidal friend or family member is an important thing to do, but you want to ensure that you’re taking care of yourself. Helping a suicidal person can evoke intense emotions, which can affect you as well. Signs that you may need some extra support include:

• Feeling emotionally burnt out or “numb”
• Having trouble focusing or making decisions
• Experiencing increased anxiety
• Feeling hopeless
• Feeling more irritable or anxious
• Experiencing significant changes in your eating or sleeping patterns

Resources for Friends and Family Members

5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide 

988 Lifeline: Help Someone Else

Facts About Suicide

Helping Your Loved One Who is Suicidal: A Guide for Family and Friends

How to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Taking Care of Friends

NAMI Family Support Group

Suicide and Older Adults: That You Should Know

References

Krychiw, J. K., & Ward-Ciesielski, E. F. (2019). Factors related to suicide's unpredictability: A qualitative study of adults with lived experience of suicide attempts. International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being, 14(1), 1650585. https://doi.org/10.1080/17482631.2019.1650585

Mental Health America. (n.d.). What to do when they don’t want help. MHA Screening. Retrieved August 31, 2025, from https://screening.mhanational.org/content/what-do-when-they-dont-want-help/

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2023, April 5). Depression: Supporting a family member or friend. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved August 31, 2025, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2023, August 12). Suicide: What to do when someone is thinking about suicide. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved August 31, 2025, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/in-depth/suicide/art-20044707

Rethink Mental Illness. (n.d.). Suicidal thoughts—How to support someone. Retrieved August 31, 2025, from https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/carers-hub/getting-help-for-someone-in-crisis/suicidal-thoughts-how-to-support-someone/

Western Michigan University. (n.d.). How to help someone you know who is suicidal. Suicide Prevention Program. Retrieved August 31, 2025, from https://wmich.edu/suicideprevention/basics/how-help